This afternoon's interchange on our walk:
(two older women coming the opposite way)
- "Look at the beautiful baby!!"
(they stop to ooh and ahh over Stephen.)
One says to the other, concerned:
-"He doesn't have any socks on."
(Women reaches down and touches Stephen's toes.)
-"Oh dear, his feet are chilly. You should really put some socks on him."
(They sigh.)
-"Oh well, he'll live."
(They keep walking.)
I might add, it's pushing 80 degrees here. Sunny, warm, beautiful, I was breaking a sweat in my T-shirt. Too bad that my son was in danger of freezing to death. :)
Socks on Stephen are like ice cream in our freezer--gone before you can look twice. When it is at all chilly, I do bundle his toes. Just not on gorgeous, sunny days.
And so, my enduring question of the day is,
"Why are people SO concerned with socks on a baby?"
Friday, April 20, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
An Unexpected Breastfeeding Journey
I am returning my breast pump on Friday, Stephen's six month birthday.
Those of you who know me know what a monumental step that is. It is the end of an incredibly long and difficult breast-feeding journey: one that I am very proud of but also one of the most difficult things I have ever taken upon myself (even beating out childbirth).
Before Stephen was born, I was hopelessly naive about breastfeeding. I knew that I wanted to give him the best nutrition and start to life, and I fully planned to breastfeed as long as possible. In my mind, I pictured
1. baby is born.
2. baby opens mouth.
3. baby starts eating.
How hard can it be? I don't think I even read a book about it, which is my usual go-to device when I am unsure about anything.
Fast forward to post-partem, a couple of hours. I cannot get Stephen to latch. The lactation consultants in the hospital are very helpful. However, the L&D is at full capacity and they are stretched to the max. I go to the hospital breastfeeding class, and there are 20 other women in the room. It takes over two hours, and I only receive about five minutes of personal instruction. My husband and I head home with many questions and few answers.
A couple days go by, and Stephen just is not eating. I go for his pediatrician visit and meet with the lactation consultant. We find out that Stephen has lost a little too much weight, and so while the lactation consultant works diligently with me on getting him to latch, she also sets me up with a pump and bottles, just so he can begin receiving the nutrition he needs.
And that is that. Once Stephen got a taste of how easy the bottle was, he was hooked. Feeding Stephen turned into a nightmarish cycle of trying to breastfeed, having my son flip out and start screaming, settling him down, giving him a bottle, and pumping more milk. It was wreaking havoc on my emotions to have my son reject the breast, and I was still in recovery mode after a pretty difficult labor. After a month of this, things were not improving, and I made the decision to exclusively pump breastmilk and feed him through the bottle.
Once the decision was made, I hoped things would get easier. It was definitely a relief to be spared the "try to breastfeed a very angry baby" step. However, I had to grapple with a lot of disappointment and doubts. Did I give up too fast? Will I be able to bond with my son? Will I be able to make this work?
I came incredibly close to quitting a number of times, and went through two bouts with mastitis. I also felt that all I was doing was pumping--cleaning up after pumping, getting ready to pump again, getting up during the night to not only feed Stephen but also pump. However, there was this stubborn part of me that I had never tapped into before that kept whispering in my ear "Don't forget.... you are feeding your child. You are breastfeeding. You are making this sacrifice for him." (I also think that God was doing some of that whispering too.)
Amazingly, things got easier. I was able to drop the number of pumps in a day, I built up a huge freezer supply, I got REALLY good at any/all shortcuts to the pumping process--and I fed my son. I am really proud of this fact. I also can imagine someone reading this and thinking that I am crazy for dealing with all of this. I don't blame you. But something about that "mother love" that just gives without counting the cost made me determined to give Stephen what he needed.
This whole ordeal also made me a lot more empathetic with women who don't breastfeed. Before I had Stephen, I admit that I wondered why women don't breastfeed more. Now I know. I also think the hype over formula is a bit much. As my husband and I like to joke, "It's not the devil's food." Stephen has been transitioning onto formula and he is fine. He would have been fine had he been on formula from day one. But I also believe that he is more than fine--he is thriving, and I hope that is because of the sacrifice I made for him.
Next baby? Oh man, I really hope breastfeeding works out. I feel a whole lot wiser about the process, and I have high hopes for success. I also will cross that bridge when it comes. But for now, I am celebrating six months of a long breastfeeding journey for Stephen. It made me feel stubborn and tough--in a good way. Perhaps I needed that. I feel strongly that God used this hardship in my life for a purpose. If nothing else, it gave me the first opportunity in my life to sacrifice for Stephen. He will never understand what I did or how hard it was--but I did it because I loved him. Welcome to motherhood.
Those of you who know me know what a monumental step that is. It is the end of an incredibly long and difficult breast-feeding journey: one that I am very proud of but also one of the most difficult things I have ever taken upon myself (even beating out childbirth).
Before Stephen was born, I was hopelessly naive about breastfeeding. I knew that I wanted to give him the best nutrition and start to life, and I fully planned to breastfeed as long as possible. In my mind, I pictured
1. baby is born.
2. baby opens mouth.
3. baby starts eating.
How hard can it be? I don't think I even read a book about it, which is my usual go-to device when I am unsure about anything.
Fast forward to post-partem, a couple of hours. I cannot get Stephen to latch. The lactation consultants in the hospital are very helpful. However, the L&D is at full capacity and they are stretched to the max. I go to the hospital breastfeeding class, and there are 20 other women in the room. It takes over two hours, and I only receive about five minutes of personal instruction. My husband and I head home with many questions and few answers.
A couple days go by, and Stephen just is not eating. I go for his pediatrician visit and meet with the lactation consultant. We find out that Stephen has lost a little too much weight, and so while the lactation consultant works diligently with me on getting him to latch, she also sets me up with a pump and bottles, just so he can begin receiving the nutrition he needs.
And that is that. Once Stephen got a taste of how easy the bottle was, he was hooked. Feeding Stephen turned into a nightmarish cycle of trying to breastfeed, having my son flip out and start screaming, settling him down, giving him a bottle, and pumping more milk. It was wreaking havoc on my emotions to have my son reject the breast, and I was still in recovery mode after a pretty difficult labor. After a month of this, things were not improving, and I made the decision to exclusively pump breastmilk and feed him through the bottle.
Once the decision was made, I hoped things would get easier. It was definitely a relief to be spared the "try to breastfeed a very angry baby" step. However, I had to grapple with a lot of disappointment and doubts. Did I give up too fast? Will I be able to bond with my son? Will I be able to make this work?
I came incredibly close to quitting a number of times, and went through two bouts with mastitis. I also felt that all I was doing was pumping--cleaning up after pumping, getting ready to pump again, getting up during the night to not only feed Stephen but also pump. However, there was this stubborn part of me that I had never tapped into before that kept whispering in my ear "Don't forget.... you are feeding your child. You are breastfeeding. You are making this sacrifice for him." (I also think that God was doing some of that whispering too.)
Amazingly, things got easier. I was able to drop the number of pumps in a day, I built up a huge freezer supply, I got REALLY good at any/all shortcuts to the pumping process--and I fed my son. I am really proud of this fact. I also can imagine someone reading this and thinking that I am crazy for dealing with all of this. I don't blame you. But something about that "mother love" that just gives without counting the cost made me determined to give Stephen what he needed.
This whole ordeal also made me a lot more empathetic with women who don't breastfeed. Before I had Stephen, I admit that I wondered why women don't breastfeed more. Now I know. I also think the hype over formula is a bit much. As my husband and I like to joke, "It's not the devil's food." Stephen has been transitioning onto formula and he is fine. He would have been fine had he been on formula from day one. But I also believe that he is more than fine--he is thriving, and I hope that is because of the sacrifice I made for him.
Next baby? Oh man, I really hope breastfeeding works out. I feel a whole lot wiser about the process, and I have high hopes for success. I also will cross that bridge when it comes. But for now, I am celebrating six months of a long breastfeeding journey for Stephen. It made me feel stubborn and tough--in a good way. Perhaps I needed that. I feel strongly that God used this hardship in my life for a purpose. If nothing else, it gave me the first opportunity in my life to sacrifice for Stephen. He will never understand what I did or how hard it was--but I did it because I loved him. Welcome to motherhood.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Contentment
Took a bit of a break from writing, mostly from necessity. We traveled to visit my family over the Easter season, and it was wonderful to see everyone. I got to "show off" my baby like the proud new mama that I am.
Then this past week was a bit hard, because Stephen's teeth came in. He spent a great deal of time fussing and wanting me to hold him. I love my sweet boy and would hold him forever--but my poor arms aren't quite up to the challenge. Stephen is a big kid, and his 20+ pounds are giving me quite the weight training workout! However, he's got two cute little white teeth on the bottom gum to show for it.
I was wondering what to write about, and what seems to come most to my mind is simply the feeling of contentment that (big) Steve and I share right now. It seems like we are both very aware of our blessings at this particular moment in time. Our beautiful son is growing and happy and brings so much joy into our lives. Our neighborhood is teeming with azaleas and blooming trees. Our house is.... a mess, but in the context of a baby I think we're doing pretty darn good. We have loving families and a wonderful community of friends here. We are incredibly lucky to belong to a dynamic, faith-filled parish. Steve's job is steady, and we can afford to have me home with our child. Our marriage is strong, full of laughs, and truly a loving union of two (rather silly but perfectly matched) souls.
It is naive to believe that things will always be so golden--but it's also wrong to not savor the moment when it is present.
I am thankful, I am blessed, I am content!
Then this past week was a bit hard, because Stephen's teeth came in. He spent a great deal of time fussing and wanting me to hold him. I love my sweet boy and would hold him forever--but my poor arms aren't quite up to the challenge. Stephen is a big kid, and his 20+ pounds are giving me quite the weight training workout! However, he's got two cute little white teeth on the bottom gum to show for it.
I was wondering what to write about, and what seems to come most to my mind is simply the feeling of contentment that (big) Steve and I share right now. It seems like we are both very aware of our blessings at this particular moment in time. Our beautiful son is growing and happy and brings so much joy into our lives. Our neighborhood is teeming with azaleas and blooming trees. Our house is.... a mess, but in the context of a baby I think we're doing pretty darn good. We have loving families and a wonderful community of friends here. We are incredibly lucky to belong to a dynamic, faith-filled parish. Steve's job is steady, and we can afford to have me home with our child. Our marriage is strong, full of laughs, and truly a loving union of two (rather silly but perfectly matched) souls.
It is naive to believe that things will always be so golden--but it's also wrong to not savor the moment when it is present.
I am thankful, I am blessed, I am content!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Choir Baby
A member of my church choir died over the weekend, and her funeral was today. She was 95 and had been singing with us for a long time--quietly giving of herself and her music week after week. She was such a beautiful and pleasant lady--always smiling. Monsignor said in his homily that she was the only person he had ever visited in a hospital that was still smiling while hooked up to an intubator.
I'm so glad our choir was there to honor her and give her a truly beautiful funeral Mass. The music our director chose was lovely--peaceful and full of hope. It reminded me of what a ministry music is--it brings an expression of comfort that mere words cannot achieve.
I had to choose between attending the funeral with Stephen in tow, or missing it for fear that he'd be disruptive at such a solemn Mass. He's been working on his "screeching" lately, and I had images of him letting loose a well-timed shriek during the eulogy. Fortunately, I braved the first option, and Stephen proved me wrong. He was so entranced by sitting with the choir and listening to the singing all around him that he completely forgot to make any noise at all. :) Such a great boy.... the only distraction he caused was by people looking at him rather than at our conductor. He's learned how to be quite the charmer!
I was talking with the bass section lead afterwards, and he said that it was obvious how influential it was for Stephen that I was at home with him. "He is just so content and happy with you, and his behavior reflects that." It made me feel so good--an affirmation and reminder that nothing can replace what I am giving Stephen right now. He has the security of knowing his mom is there-- all the time, without fail.
Here's to the music of a long life well-lived, and here's to my choir baby!
I'm so glad our choir was there to honor her and give her a truly beautiful funeral Mass. The music our director chose was lovely--peaceful and full of hope. It reminded me of what a ministry music is--it brings an expression of comfort that mere words cannot achieve.
I had to choose between attending the funeral with Stephen in tow, or missing it for fear that he'd be disruptive at such a solemn Mass. He's been working on his "screeching" lately, and I had images of him letting loose a well-timed shriek during the eulogy. Fortunately, I braved the first option, and Stephen proved me wrong. He was so entranced by sitting with the choir and listening to the singing all around him that he completely forgot to make any noise at all. :) Such a great boy.... the only distraction he caused was by people looking at him rather than at our conductor. He's learned how to be quite the charmer!
I was talking with the bass section lead afterwards, and he said that it was obvious how influential it was for Stephen that I was at home with him. "He is just so content and happy with you, and his behavior reflects that." It made me feel so good--an affirmation and reminder that nothing can replace what I am giving Stephen right now. He has the security of knowing his mom is there-- all the time, without fail.
Here's to the music of a long life well-lived, and here's to my choir baby!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Yo Vote!
I have a little sticker on my shirt that says (in both Spanish and English) that I voted today. I do feel a sense of accomplishment for having put my two cents in, so to speak, but I also am puzzling over how best to use a vote.
On my walk over to the elementary school, I chatted with my sister over the phone. She and I differ a bit on how best to use your right to vote. She feels that, regardless of outcome, it is a person's responsibility to vote for the candidate with whom they most agree. My take is that you have to look at the race as a whole, and put your vote where it is best utilized. While I certainly will not vote for someone who doesn't uphold my stance on key issues, I also have strong opinions on who should NOT be elected. If those two stances conflict, what is a voter to do?
It doesn't help that I live in a state that pretty much will elect whoever I don't support anyway. I find that frustrating as well. What is the solution? Is the voter system with delegates and primaries essentially flawed? I really don't have a clear answer, but I'd welcome thoughts from anyone out there.
In other news, it is a beautiful sun-shiney day here, and I don't really want to spend it in front of a computer screen. I'm off to soak up some spring!
On my walk over to the elementary school, I chatted with my sister over the phone. She and I differ a bit on how best to use your right to vote. She feels that, regardless of outcome, it is a person's responsibility to vote for the candidate with whom they most agree. My take is that you have to look at the race as a whole, and put your vote where it is best utilized. While I certainly will not vote for someone who doesn't uphold my stance on key issues, I also have strong opinions on who should NOT be elected. If those two stances conflict, what is a voter to do?
It doesn't help that I live in a state that pretty much will elect whoever I don't support anyway. I find that frustrating as well. What is the solution? Is the voter system with delegates and primaries essentially flawed? I really don't have a clear answer, but I'd welcome thoughts from anyone out there.
In other news, it is a beautiful sun-shiney day here, and I don't really want to spend it in front of a computer screen. I'm off to soak up some spring!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Baby Learning Curve
It is amazing to me how babies learn.
As I watch Stephen grow and develop, I feel as if I can actually see the connections being made in his little head. One day, he won't be able to do something, and the next day it has just "clicked."
Steve and I were grocery shopping this weekend, and I was pushing Stephen in the stroller. As I was debating what kind of pasta to get, I heard a little voice in front of me: "mamamamama..." I turned the stroller around, and there is my little boy looking extraordinarily pleased with himself. He was moving his little jaw up and down, as if he couldn't believe that he was making that noise. He did it again: "mamamama" and added a couple of "B's" to mix it up. For the rest of the day he proceeded to practice this new sound. Even as I write this, Stephen is upstairs in his crib, saying "mamamababa" over and over.
This past week was also the first time that Stephen rolled over, and the first time that he sat up for a decent amount of time by himself. What a big week for little guy!
Steve and I joke around sometimes--wouldn't it be nice to learn like a baby does? Just find that something has "clicked" and all of a sudden you can hit a homerun or skateboard perfectly or knit like a champ. We all learned at that pace at one point--too bad that we slow down the older we get!
I remember teaching music to Pre-K. They never ceased to amaze me with their memories. They would soak up and retain new music with the most incredible speed. I would only have to run a new song with them once or twice before most of the class would have it. Then, a year or two later, the Kindergarteners and 1st graders would often ask me "Can we sing that song we did in Pre-K?" They would then sing the whole thing with no mistakes.... a year later! Wow. Ask me to sing a song I learned at choir practice last week, and I can maybe tell you the first word.
In any case, here's to our little learners-- may they never cease to amaze us!
PS. This is a video we shot last week of Stephen and dad having a great time. :)
As I watch Stephen grow and develop, I feel as if I can actually see the connections being made in his little head. One day, he won't be able to do something, and the next day it has just "clicked."
Steve and I were grocery shopping this weekend, and I was pushing Stephen in the stroller. As I was debating what kind of pasta to get, I heard a little voice in front of me: "mamamamama..." I turned the stroller around, and there is my little boy looking extraordinarily pleased with himself. He was moving his little jaw up and down, as if he couldn't believe that he was making that noise. He did it again: "mamamama" and added a couple of "B's" to mix it up. For the rest of the day he proceeded to practice this new sound. Even as I write this, Stephen is upstairs in his crib, saying "mamamababa" over and over.
This past week was also the first time that Stephen rolled over, and the first time that he sat up for a decent amount of time by himself. What a big week for little guy!
Steve and I joke around sometimes--wouldn't it be nice to learn like a baby does? Just find that something has "clicked" and all of a sudden you can hit a homerun or skateboard perfectly or knit like a champ. We all learned at that pace at one point--too bad that we slow down the older we get!
I remember teaching music to Pre-K. They never ceased to amaze me with their memories. They would soak up and retain new music with the most incredible speed. I would only have to run a new song with them once or twice before most of the class would have it. Then, a year or two later, the Kindergarteners and 1st graders would often ask me "Can we sing that song we did in Pre-K?" They would then sing the whole thing with no mistakes.... a year later! Wow. Ask me to sing a song I learned at choir practice last week, and I can maybe tell you the first word.
In any case, here's to our little learners-- may they never cease to amaze us!
PS. This is a video we shot last week of Stephen and dad having a great time. :)
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